fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
