She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
