I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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