hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
