And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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