We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
