they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
