Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
