i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
