upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My vagina is officially offended.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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