I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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