Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
