How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
