Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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