Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
