Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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