And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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