Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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