k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
