Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
