I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
