He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
