Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
