these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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