WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
