she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
