He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
