Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
