Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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