I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
