worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
