Non-Jews are for practice
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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