Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
