Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
