I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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