o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
