i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize