i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
