i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
