the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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