I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
