She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I deserve this hangover.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
