You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
