...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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