If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize