she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How external is "for external use only"?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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