I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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