I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
