she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
