already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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