pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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