The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize