what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
