The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
