i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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