You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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