You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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