I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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