Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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