i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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