Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
