I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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