I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
