he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
