Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
