perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
