I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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