I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize