The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
