True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
