Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
