You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
