i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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