I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
