Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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