i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize