so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize