thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
