$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
