So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
