If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
