Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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