I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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