honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
