just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
