Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We need to get me chipped asap
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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