my phone needs a breathalizer
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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