so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
