I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
