He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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