help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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