Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
