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Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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