I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
