Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need help removing her.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
