Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
