I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize